Emotional Resilience

As I write this I’m a little over 14 months post-surgery. I will admit to asking the gold standard question, “WHY ME?” quite a few times so far. One of my spiritual mentors said the most thought provoking responses to me, that I’ll never forget, WHY NOT YOU?” and he was right. What makes me think I’m any better than anyone else? That I don’t deserve this situation because of this or that, or better yet I give to the Church and many other organizations doesn’t God  know this!? It can be very hard to accept, entertain or even acknowledge that response. For me this is the mindset I work toward each day.

I had a strong belief and basic understanding that God allows things to happen for a reason. Whether or not we fully understand or agree with his reasons is a whole other story. However we must remember that God is good, just, loving, and merciful. Often, bad things happen to us that we simply cannot understand. Instead of doubting God’s goodness, our reaction really should be to trust him and follow a plan. Obviously this is much easier said than done. A great message from Proverbs says:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight”  

(Proverbs 3:5)

When the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of life don’t seem to fit I choose to think thoughts like “I’m grateful to be alive” and “My life is fulfilling and abundant” to mentally arm myself against the negative self defeating thoughts that come naturally with the circumstance. A great author and Pastor Norman Vincent Peale says “a positive thinker doesn’t refuse to recognize the negative, they refuse to dwell on it.” I am faced with negative on a daily basis, as we all are; it’s automatic and all around us. I still get to choose to focus on the positive and detach from the negative. In fact I do so as fast as I can. Otherwise it creates a negative thought spiral that can quickly hijack my attitude.

I physically and emotionally cannot be happy every minute of every day. That means that sometimes feeling unmotivated, sad, and even scared is very real. I acknowledge that it is perfectly acceptable to feel down every now and then. It’s a normal part of the emotional spectrum and is especially natural when our usual routines of life are disrupted. There are some days where my body doesn’t agree with the plan so I don’t push it too hard and just do what I’m able to.

Emotional intelligence is often defined as reacting well and strategically to bad experiences and stressful situations. When a Stroke or Surgery occur our emotions may go into meltdown. Good emotional resilience or a positive attitude helps me deal with those days where nothing seems to go right.

I read recently that the psychology of post-traumatic emotional growth tells us that there are typically four stages of adjustment: shock, defensive retreat, acknowledgment and adaptation (Livneh & Antonak, 1990). The road to acceptance is filled with many pit stops that we all will have our own unique timeline to get through.

I developed this mindset over 10 years of reading and developing myself. I believed my foundation was pretty good before my surgery which made having a good attitude a little easier, but I was quickly tested to all new levels. Some of which took me really deep within myself and questioned even my faith. This motivated me to explore my unanswered questions and seek greater knowledge and truth to answer them. This verse below is one example of, notice it says: IF YOU HAVE FAITH! 

“You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.”

Mathew 21:22 NLT

Belief and a positive attitude is a powerful thing. Yet what about the placebo effect we all talk about? It is often dismissed as being irrelevant to health and healing. It’s funny how often during my life I’ve said “oh It’s just the placebo effect!”

Here’s something really cool I’ve learned recently, the physiological results of the placebo effect—more specifically called the perception or belief effect—are quite real, in fact that’s why pharmaceutical companies must prove that their medication works better than a placebo in order to receive FDA approval!

It’s been said and I’m sure thought about that a doctor’s diagnosis is a modern-day voodoo curse. When a doctor tells a patient that their condition is incurable, won’t get better, or just spits medical jargon the patients whose health tends to decline, are the ones who accept their prognoses as fact. But the patients who end up healing themselves and recovering from their incurable condition are the ones who do not accept their prognoses. They expect to get better, so they often do. With this school of thought I will never give up aiming for my perfect health.

Scientists continue to uncover the ways in which our belief affects our health at the cellular level (hmm I wonder if Faith has anything to do with it), allowing people with positive attitudes to live longer, have better overall health, and even heal from “incurable” diseases.

To be completely open and vulnerable this current season is by far the hardest thing I’ve had to do up to this point in my life. It’s not easy to be positive and motivated everyday, but I’ll do my best because it gives me the strength I need for everything right now. It takes courage and I’ve had to let go of the notion that being in control is power. Many of us think that being in control shows power and gives us power. Where in fact I’ve realized that my power comes from realizing that I can’t be in control of anything and must depend on others to help.

Positivity is an everyday act, remembering the bigger picture of family and health helps keeps my reality in check.

Actively Seek to be Goal Focused

I have a personal list of 6 things I work to do daily to help me stay positive. An honest disclaimer, there are many days I don’t achieve them all,  but having a goal to shoot for points me in the right direction.

• Education
• Stay Social
• Practice Mindfulness
• Exercise and Rest
• Explore Nature
• Improve my Nutrition 

Education

I believe we’re either growing or dying, progressing or regressing.

This could be growing our…

• Mental Fortitude 
• Patience 
• Understanding of Neurological Systems  

Whatever it is we need growth, and we need growth TOWARDS something… I like to get exposure to new ideas and concepts that open my mind to the “what if” possibilities. We live in a beautiful time where so much is available for us to learn. 

Stay Social

I am personally of the camp where I’d survive just fine locked away all on my own. What I have come to realize is I need others and they need me. I have a lot to learn and grow in this area and am blessed to have the support waiting for me. I work toward expanding my social comfort zone daily.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is to live in the moment and focus oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. The different approaches I’m currently using to achieve mindfulness are deep breathing exercises, a yoga style stretch flow, and guided meditation. The goal is to focus on the present in the moment rather than worrying about recovery, pain, or other things which sap my enjoyment and increase anxiety.

Exercise and Rest

Exercise as simple as a movement flow is a great way to make us feel good about ourselves. When we exercise many chemicals are released, including endorphins and dopamine. These chemicals are super powerful to the body because they make us feel happy, reduce our stress levels and get this – some chemicals that are released can even increase our physical pain threshold! I enjoy that last point very much as I continue to heal. 

Many Stroke or Brain Injury patients live with Neurological fatigue which is an overwhelming feeling of tiredness. It has a large spectrum and can be debilitating enough to stop people from doing everyday activities. Unlike physical fatigue, neurological fatigue cannot be alleviated by taking a rest. 

Knowing myself and my limits I follow these principles to complete my day feeling accomplished;

• Take frequent rests
• Prioritise activities
• Plan ahead
• Organize, stretch and work out area
• Adopt a good posture
• Lead a healthy lifestyle and do exercise

To others looking in it can easily seem as the person (me) is being lazy. I was never one to rest on the couch, but now I frequent it and say I’m just out of juice. 

Explore Nature 

This has to be one of my favorite thing’s to do. Currently it’s difficult to explore as I once did; however my backyard is a great getaway to sit, listen and watch the natural movement of nature. My wife and I explore our favorite spots as much as possible, with the duration being the only thing changed.  A recent study of (Max Planck Institute) shows “Even a short exposure to nature decreases amygdala activity, suggesting that a walk in nature could serve as a preventive measure.” This study also shows that nature has a positive impact on brain regions involved in the stress processing chemicals. 

Improve my Nutrition 

Let’s face it most of us don’t eat healthily because we don’t know how to. Health advice is complicated, contradictory and confusing. Yet when you stop worrying about eating healthily and, instead, just eat for your gut bacteria then everything becomes a whole lot easier. Your gut simply needs you to include in your diet plentiful supplies of the stuff that keeps it in tip-top shape. The connection between foods and mental health is starting to become a hot topic as well as the Gut-Brain Axis. 

Personally my wife and I went Lectin free as our foundation and eat for our Gut bacteria. Think organic whole unprocessed foods, wild caught fish and dairy from A1 Casein milks (goat and sheep) as a starter. 

 A great book I highly recommend is “The Plant Paradox – Steven Gundry M.D.” this book is an absolute must read to get to the bottom of many health topics.

Conclusion 

Whatever faith, belief or attitude you carry keep it close, as it could be the key you need to unlock a fruitful harvest. The paragraph below is from a book Overcoming Tough Times, it fit so perfectly with my circumstance and I hope it has the same impact for you.

“God has created a world in which diligence is rewarded and sloth is not. So whatever you choose to do, do it with commitment, excitement and vigor. God didn’t create you for a life of mediocrity or pain; He created you for far greater things. Reaching for greater things—and defeating tough times—usually requires work and lots of it which is perfectly fine with God. After all he knows that you’re up to the task and he still has big plans for you.”

Overcoming Tough Times–

keep the faith,